How to be a videogame tester

Archon was originally developed for the Atari 8-bit computer way back in 1983, but later saw a port to the NES in December of 1989. It was made by three people, which is pretty crazy once you think about it, and is one of those games that everybody seems to have played or seen somebody play but can never remember the name. Weird, I know. 

The game looks a lot like chess, but its actually quite different. I grew up with Battle Chess on the PC, which was one of my all time favorites, but Archons battles arent just for flashy show. Youve got units that can fly, units that can cast spells (and even resurrect dead units), units with crazy abilities, and more. The game looks bare-bones, but considering its a board game Ill deal I guess. Musics catchy. 

Archon is a really, really cool game, even if it has a bit of a learning curve. Despite looking like chess it, again, isnt actually chess. Basically you have a large number of units, and when they clash they actually battle on a different screen. Playing two-player means youre battling it out with your actual opponent, which is intense. Weaker units tend to have short melee range attacks and less damage and health, while the more powerful units have range, flight, spells, etc. The Phoenix in particular has as fire-transformation move that renders it both invincible and does damage, while the Shapeshifter copies whomever hes fighting. 

While it most often is the better unit that wins anyway, it does allow for some crazy comebacks if youre good at the battle system. While the game does feel bit unbalanced in favor of the dark side, only really skilled players will be able to abuse that. 

Archon is a good game, but best with two players willing to learn its complexities. The idea of a "Battle Chess" where you actually control the fighting pieces is awesome but, obviously, wouldnt work for real chess. The game they made to fit that system (ie this game Im reviewing called Archon) does very well at creating a fast and fun game that is a hybrid of board and video games. 

Fun fact: you can get a version of this game off Steam from an indie developer. Glad to see its still around!

Copies usually run for around $5-10. 

Jaleco is one of my favorite "off-brand" NES publishers. Without spoiling future reviews, these guys published Power Blade and Shatterhand (the latter being one of the best action platformers ever made. Yes, really) as well as a bunch of other NES games. Theyre also responsible for the eighty trillion Bases Loaded games I have to play to review tomorrow, so I guess its not all sunshine and roses, but when I see that little blue wavey thing that is supposed to be a logo, I know Im in for something unique at the very least

Astyanax is a port of The Astyanax (why they cut the "the" is beyond me) arcade game, and was put on the NES in March of 1990. For some reason, everybody local to me must have owned this game, because theres always at least 5-6 copies at my nearby vintage game stores. Aicom developed it, and for the life of me I cant think of anything else theyve ever made that is worth noting. 

This is a damned good looking game, with a long but well-rendered opening cutscene. I like how our hero (named Astyanax) starts off by saying "My names Greek...I guess." Seriously, dude? If my parents named me Astyanax Id at least figure out where it came from. And then petition to legally change it.

Anyway, its another action platformer, but this one has massive sprites and a really bright color pallet. I really cant get over how good this game looks. 

It also plays fun right off the bat, but damn is it tricky. Since youre so huge you get hit a lot, and the infinitely spawning Metroid enemies on the first stage might turn most people away.

Its a pity theres so many unsold copies at my local game store, because I really like Astyanax. As you progress the levels get better and better, and as you master the controls and magic you get in a sort of NES retro groove where you start really feelin it and cruise through levels. Then you get to the freaking swap level and want to quit, but luckily it has infinite continues. 

The story isnt anything to write home about: Astyanax gets sucked to another world by a fairy called Cutie (yeah, really) to save a girl hes been dreaming about. Somehow this sixteen-year-old punk becomes a badass warrior, but whatever. The cutscenes between chapters are, again, really well drawn and engaging. This game really had a lot of production values going for it.

It does get frustrating, and selecting/using magic isnt intuitive at all, but the bosses are huge and grotesque, the stages are pretty, and the game overall is solid. I had problems quitting this one to write the review. 

If you hadnt already guessed, Im pretty fond of Astyanax. Its big an clunky but still a lot of fun. I somehow forgot to mention the music, which is phenomenal as well. While it isnt as tight and polished as some NES action platforms like the Mega Man games or the aforementioned Shatterhand, Id still say Astyanax deserves a place in your NES collectors library.

And if you want a copy, my local game stores have them and in spades, usually around $3-7. 

Youve heard of Bad Dudes. Even if you dont think you have, youve heard of it. Because youve at some point seen that meme:

"The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?"

and that, ladies and gentleman, is Bad Dudes legacy. Immortalized in meme form. It also has the infamous ending where the president says "Thanks, dudes. Lets go for a burger. Ha ha ha!" Pretty much golden lines throughout.

The original arcade game was called Bad Dudes vs DragonNinja, while in Japan they cut off the first part and called it DragonNinja, and in the US NES release they cut off the end part and called it Bad Dudes. 

It was published by Data East in July 1990, who I swear are the kings of porting over mediocre games to the NES and SNES. Usually one of their stamps on a game is a warning. The games usually arent broken like LJN, but they tend to be subpar. But hey, bias. 

Aside from the bombastic title screen and that famous intro, Bad Dudes looks...well, bad. The screen flicker on this one is absolutely insane, and its basically a twitch-reaction action platformer, except with no platforming. At least I kick the crap out of a lot of ninjas. Also the truck on the first level says "Dudes" on the side, which is pretty boss. 

Yeah, Bad Dudes is still bad. Despite the fact that the grainy, awful "Im Bad!" line that they shout after beating a boss might be my favorite NES sound ever, that isnt enough to redeem it. The 2D fighting is boring, weapons are lame, the game looks like crap and the bosses are hard. It is two player which helps tone down the difficulty, but then the slowdown and flickering sprites just get all the more worse.

To be fair, the arcade game wasnt exactly golden material, but it was a good deal better than this port. Many ninjas have undodgeable attacks, and again the bosses are more of a war of attrition rather than skill. 

I always called this game the "Reverse Ninja Gaiden," because unlike that games intense, skill-based action this game is completely lacking in any form of skill. Also in Ninja Gaiden youre a ninja killing tons of people, while in Bad Dudes youre a dude killing a bunch of ninjas. Im so clever. 

"Im Bad!"

Everybody already owns this game, even though its crap, because of that intro. So go buy it anyway and then never play it past the intro like everybody in the world. If you pay more than $5 for it youre getting ripped off.